Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can you bring me the toilet please
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize