You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
