...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
