i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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