btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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