I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
