I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
