fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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