you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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