Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
