I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
