he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You did what with his pubic hair?
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