she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
