I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize