He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
