I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
