and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
