Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
