My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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