A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
