He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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