Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
