dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Randomize
