Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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