Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
