wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
