it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
