you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
