Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
