you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
