She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wear drunk well.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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