gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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