Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
