Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
