whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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