just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
