i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
