i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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