omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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