i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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