OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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