1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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