Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize