I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
