Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
