so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
