Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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