I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
