Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
