can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
