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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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