I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
