my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and she was petting her beer can
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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