Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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