Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
