Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
