idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
