The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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