Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize