Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
