i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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