Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
