We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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