i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
