Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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