No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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