Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
