So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
