hell yes lets make some ravioli
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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