By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
