Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want her autograph on my taint
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
