It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize