My first STD was from a foam party
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
