He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
