I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just found a bag of teeth...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
