but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need moral support for this bender
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
