so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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