I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
