I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Drunk is not a location!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
