I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
