woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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