Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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