wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
