there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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