I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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