we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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