I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
