This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
