Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
