piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
