Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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