I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
