i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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