Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
