official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
