bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's official drugs can't kill me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
