First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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