Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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