I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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