I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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